


A Stark Silence

by AndroidTwin (LolaDiBlack)



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Iron Man - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Depression, James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark Friendship, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Plants, Post-Civil War (Marvel), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Pepper Potts, Protective Rhodey, Rating May Change, Rhodey Is a Good Bro, Slow Build, Tony Angst, Where's Bruce?, graphic nightmares, selective mutism
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-11
Updated: 2018-03-30
Packaged: 2018-05-26 02:19:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6219799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LolaDiBlack/pseuds/AndroidTwin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the war is over, Tony comes home. That's it, he is done.<br/>There is no more iron in his bones and no way to ground himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Aftermath

**Author's Note:**

> So, apparently I need to suffer and thus make my favorite Avenger hurt too. This story is set Post Captain America Civil War (the end is neigh) and deals with ComicBooks!Tony's Major Depression, possibly Bucky's PTSD and other issues that are not wholly addressed in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this and I make these wonderful characters justice.

The battle has been brutal and Tony was feeling it more than ever. The fissure that had open with Ultron had become a chasm; he was so tired, so so tired.

Pieces of the battered suit littered the floor of his workshop, Tony looked around and none of that sense of safeness lit up in his body, there was no real joy in being back to the place he considered his sanctuary. Without a second glance, without a single quip, Tony walked out of the place where he'd crafted miracles and into the elevator.

Tony closed his eyes and sighed; it was over.

As days passed, life seem to drag on and so did Tony, lying on his plush couch when the bed was too much, staring at the artwork Pepper had picked once upon a time and he kept like an imprint of her presence in the penthouse of his skyscraper. He honestly couldn’t see, what the colors were supposed to evoke but beauty is in the eye of the beholder and he should count himself lucky that Pepper was still able to find it.

Coffee stopped tasting like manna from Heaven, Tony couldn’t tell when, maybe from the span of one sip to another; he couldn’t find the energy to be angry at such blasphemy, why was it so though? Tony couldn’t taste the richness of the dark roast and the undertone of sweetness, this should make him feel something, it should.

There was a decanter with really good scotch in it, but right then it reminded him of his late sire and he wasn't in the mood to reminisce with anybody, much less would allow Howard to taint his good scotch, so goes for a bottle of bourbon, close enough, it's whisky after all. He drags his feet to the opulent bathroom and takes his clothes off mechanically, hits the control panels and sits with the bottle for company; sits there until the last drop is gone.

His phone rings, or he thinks it does. Not like he'd pick up, he was still naked.

Tony observes that he looks like a chew toy; black, blue, purple, yellow and green. No red, he likes red, red and gold are his colors but is not wearing them on his skin. Tony brings his hand to trace the scars from the reactor and finds that he can't feel them, not a tingle and thinks that maybe is the alcohol, thinks maybe not. He blinks and there's a hand -flesh and bone- reaching to pull the circle of light from his chest and he is paralyzed watching unblinking as he's left heartless and the hand is again in his line of sight, fingers -made of metal- closing around it and crushing!

He jumps away from his reflection and goes to cover up his vulnerability in cotton, in well worn cloth and procures to not stare too much into reflective spaces. Tony drags himself to the kitchen and the fruit is spoiled, so he does the sensible thing and makes sure the plants in Bruce's floor are fed properly.

Bruce's floor is empty, like every single other but his. His stuff hasn’t been touched or moved, there are no white sheets over anything but the vastness of the place echoes and Tony feels a twinge, but is honestly too tired to find why. So he feeds the plants and waters them a bit and leaves; there is nothing to tell them anyway.

He goes back to the penthouse and looks for something edible, there are some whole wheat crackers, a box of Rice Krispies and a tub of Neapolitan ice cream. He should do some grocery shopping, like a functioning adult, perhaps after he's done with his bowl of ice cream sprinkled in cereal. He does, but only because he thinks he wants a smoothie, he doesn’t really.

His phone rings, or he thinks it does. Not like he'd pick up, he didn't need a reason.

Sleep comes, late as always, after a beautiful sunrise. It had red for a smidge and golden yellow too, he'd smile for he liked the colors. Sleep came and he let the light into his room until he couldn’t stand it anymore; couldn’t deal with the beauty of a new day and its fucking implications, couldn’t deal with not wearing those colors, not having that warmth, and being so tired. So Tony sleeps and when he opens his eyes, his bones are still asleep inside him, and he stands because his bladder hurts and he doesn’t want do the mind over matter thing, he is not willing to lose, he truly hates losing. Funny, it seems is the only thing he'd been doing for a while.

His breath smells and his teeth feel gritty, it should disgust him; Tony closes his eyes as he brushes. His toes are cold, and he drags his feet to the kitchen, the microwave reads it's close to midnight, he drinks some water and munches on the whole wheat crackers and thinks maybe he should clean. He curls up in the sofa as he channel surfs, he does it for hours and not like matters really, because when he finally stops the TV is muted. There's a showing of The Hobbit and mid-way through he remembers, he hates J.R.R. Tolkien, but the ever loving fuck? Might as well finish the fucking movie. When he is done with The Battle of the Five Armies, he is drunk and his hatred of Tolkien has been re-affirmed. Also the sun is back.

His phone rings, or he thinks it does. Not like he'd pick up, he's queuing up The Lord of the Rings.

Tony dreams, of falling from the wormhole and into the Afghan desert, through the scorching sand and into frigid water that leaves a bad taste behind. He's being cut open and there is a mountain of bodies, of people he knows; Yinsen's hands fit the reactor in and its light, so blinding breaks a whole into the ceiling of the cave and giant metallic space snakes are circling above. He tries to warn Yinsen, but he too, is in the pile and they're all looking at him with their unseeing eyes, Tony wants to move but he hears the shifting plates of metal and he gasps, and from the maw of the Chitauri another body falls, the hand reaches into the chest and pulls. He feels electrified and hollowed, the hand -chrome metal- in his line of sight, closes around the reactor there and crushes it, he can hear Obie's laugh as it happens and the world falls.

He never makes it to the bathroom and his kitchen sink smells like it could catch fire, Tony's eyes burn, so do his chest and small lungs, there's a hand against the scar with the semblance of keeping him together as he heaves to his stomach's displeasure. Tony kneels against the counter: "Stark men have iron in the bones." Well shit, not him, he'd syphoned every last bit and now he's empty it seems, he just doesn’t have it in him anymore, to get up. Tony stays. For a while, until it doesn’t make sense.

Tony makes it to the shower, he doesn’t bother taking off his clothes and when he's soaked in warm water, he curls his body under the spray and waits for the heat to seep through his skin and down his bloodstream, until he feels as close to human someone like him can ever get. He waits, the feeling doesn’t come.

His phone rings, or he thinks it does. Not like he'd pick up, he'd accidentally caught his reflection in the bathroom mirror.

Tony was not thinking about anything in particular or feeling anything strongly enough, he wasn’t paying attention to the windows or the exits, he was just there in his penthouse that needed cleaning, with his hollowed sleepy bones and growing facial hair and his cold toes; tapping against the starburst scar in the middle of his chest. It look like it was going to rain.

The elevator doors opened. "Tony?"

"By the couch, mister."

"Thanks, FRIDAY."

"The Boss has been unresponsive since his arrival. I've monitored him and have also tried to engage him time and time again, he hasn’t even acknowledge me." Can a computer sound distressed?

"I'll take care of it, FRIDAY."

"See that you do, mister." He didn’t have the will to look back at the approaching figure, he didn’t want them to see him like this, that much he knew. Was the computer threatening them?

The person didn't come at him from above as he half expected, they came to the unoccupied side of the couch and assessed him for less than a minute, before speaking to him.

"Hey, Tones."

Tony raised his head and found himself looking directly into the eyes of the one and only James Rhodes.


	2. Like a lighthouse from the sea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rhodey has been around Tony the longest, but not even him is prepared for what he finds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the week were I do nothing and after 2 weeks of struggle, I give you the latest part of this story.
> 
> I wanna thank you all for the kudos and the comments, thank you for following me down this rabbit-hole.
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy it.
> 
> (Chapter tittle from NEEDTOBREATHE's Brother)

Rhodey, didn’t get any closer. He stayed in place like he had learned in training. If it weren't for the fact that he was looking at Tony, he would have sworn the penthouse in the Tower had been abandoned; taking in consideration Tony's radio silence that would have made a fair assumption.

"Hey, Tones?" Tony blinked slowly, a sign Rhodes was heard. "Have you been sitting here all this time?"

Tony hid his face from the other man and Rhodey cursed, low and between gritted teeth, because this was even worse than he'd imagined. At worst, he expected Tony curled around a bottle, drunk to the eyeballs and angry as hell. As always, Anthony Stark threw a fast curve-ball into his people's contingency plans.

"Ok, ok." Rhodey breathed and minutely shook off his official posture; tracing a new battle strategy, because this was gonna be even harder than those 3 months when he didn't know if he was going to find his best friend or the half eaten carcass of the man. So, he took inventory of the place, while Tony continued to commune with the furniture. There was produce in the fridge -meaning Tony had most likely ventured out to shop-, but the sink smelled: like puke and alcohol, nothing a bit of cleaning product couldn't fix. The bedroom looked like Tony had slept a few times, and apparently the genius had forgotten how to use the laundry basket, because there was big pile of clothes -some wet and smelly, as if he had showered with them on- by the door and finally, in the bathroom was an empty bottle and another pile, not much to do but a ton of laundry. Rhodey thought with a sigh, "That's kinda uneventful."

Tony was still in the same position when Rhodey re-entered the living room and that worried him more than anything. Rhodey pursed his lips and moved to the kitchen, making certain to telegraph his movements in case Tony was easily startled. No reaction. Rhodey started puttering around in the kitchen, dousing the sink in some citrus smelling liquid soap, that foamed when it came in contact to the concave surface, and what? Scientific Sorcery most likely.

Unbeknownst to the busy Rhodey, Tony's head was turned his way, watching him scrub the dirty sink and tidy up the kitchen. Tony flushed with something akin to shame and fixed his eyes on his hands; builders and destroyers, one and the same. Tony reminded himself to keep looking and never forget again 'The road to Hell is paved with good intentions, it looks an awful lot like an empty high rise, though. Your fault, by your hands, by your doing.'

"Hey! Hey, Tony no." And then there was Rhodey pulling at Tony's hands, voice low and tone urgent. "Don't hurt your hands, Tones. C'mon man, don’t hurt yourself like that."

Rhodey made sure to keep his grip gentle, which was a feat since his heart was jack-rabbiting with the sudden fright; Tony was a self-destructive little shit and he's been around long enough to know but the man hardly took it out on his hands, another testament of just how far into the dark Tony was. The appendages were red and curled into rigid fists, now that Tony couldn’t keep clawing at the skin, and damn, that just broke the Colonel's heart.

"Tones, talk to me," He whispered, because in truth he felt guilty, three fucking weeks, Tony have been alone for 21 days after one of the most grueling battles Rhodey has the ability to recall and he has been in the Air Force for the better part of his adult life. "Please, Tone."

Tony blinked and finally met his stare, no words though. Slowly, it almost felt like the whisper of a touch; shy and trepid, the genius reached for Rhodey's hand, fingertips first. Rhodes gasped thinly, but didn't move a muscle otherwise, the tiny curl of calloused fingers about brought him to tears, shit!

"You with me, Tony?" Unconsciously, because in their friendship they rarely watched their moves anymore and hardly respected personal space, Rhodey reached for Tony's nape and settled his hand there. "Right, kid? You with me, Tones?"

Tony's eyes were shiny, but so were Rhodey's, who looked on even with the threat of sting and tears, he looked on as his best friend squeezed his hand with a gentleness that was heartbreaking. Unable to hold back his relief, Rhodey touch his forehead to Tony's and took a breath.

They remained in that position without a true measure of time, holding onto one another and breathing. "If I stay like this a little longer, something is gonna cramp." Is the way Rhodey broke the silence, he watched out for Tony's reaction. "Can you move?" a little nod and a squeeze. "Follow me?"

Posed as a question, making it clear that it was ultimately, a decision Tony had to make on his own and Rhodey wouldn’t force it otherwise. He straightened up, feeling one of his shoulders pull a bit and soon forgot his slight discomfort when Tony went with him. The genius stood gingerly, it was then that Rhodey noticed how thin the man has gotten, how the clothes on him looked baggy when they really shouldn't; food first it is.

"FRIDAY?"

"Mister?" And really what was with Tony and sassy A.I.s? Does he code them like that on purpose? Why was he even wondering that, of course Tony codes A.I.s to be little shits full of sass.

"By your monitoring, when was the last time Tony ate something?" Normally this would've gotten him a whine about how Tony was a grown ass man that could take care of himself.

"18 hours and 37 minutes ago, the boss ate some crackers and bottle of water." This time there wasn’t even a whine about meddling A.I.'s and reconfiguration, only a minute frown.

"Tones." What if he was whining? What about it? "You know that's not food. C'mon, sit with me while I make you some of my mamma's soup, with the works just how you like it, yeah?"

Before Tony could even think of scurrying away, his stomach growled as an act of defiance and Tony sagged in defeat, Rhodey didn’t crow in victory because this couldn’t be sadder if Nicholas Sparks was scripting their lives. With minimal cajoling, Tony shuffled into the kitchen and sat at the breakfast bar; Rhodey moved swiftly in gathering everything he would need and turning constantly to make sure Tony was still there.

The one-sided small talk while he cooked felt like a damn soliloquy, and it hurt him something fierce; here was the man made of Iron more vulnerable than a newborn kitten, perhaps just as helpless. An image of Tony's workshop on his way up flashed in Rhodey's peripheral, Dum-E and You's sad beeps over the ruined pile of armor and the cold layer of utter abandonment in the place where he was sure to find Tony in another engineering binge. As stated, the man had a knack for fast curve-balls into his people's plans. This one promised to be a doozy.

"Your 'bot children are missing you, you know? I think Dum-E is planning on building you a shrine and start a cult." Nothing, not one freaking twitch, shit! "You can't let that menace start a cult, Tony!"

Blink, blink and shrug.

The vapor rising from the hot bowl of soup, garnered more of a reaction when Tony's stomach made a sound that belong in movie about cavernous beasts. "Eat your soup, you lucky bastard. Making me cook like I'm your housewife or some shit. C'mon, I didn’t slave over that stove so you let your soup run cold."

It was such an automatic response, part of their banter, muscle memory and so Rhodes wasn’t truly ready for the tiny upwards curl of Tony's lips while the man raised his left hand to his chin and moved it outwards and then with the index finger crossed in front of his middle one raised it to his forehead and gave him a jaunty salute.

It was a long time ago, so Rhodey can't be faulted for being a little rusty, but his spoon clicks against the ceramic bowl and his eyes widen with realization. Because that was sign language and that… that was his name  _sign_!

'Thanks, Rhodey.'

Fuck!


	3. Overflow and forts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Rhodey, is a good engineer and an amazing bro. Just what Tony needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! 
> 
> I know it's been way too long since the last update, if you must know this chapter has been almost complete for months but it didn't feel just right. Finally I got a boost from the angst bank and here it is. 
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> Ps: Thank you for all the comments and kudos and bookmarks!

He remembers a young Tony Stark bored out of his skull, learning American Sign Language just to prove he could, vaguely remembers the next fall, over too many drinks for a someone underage, Tony whispering in the dark about some 'minor' explosion in the lab and how he'd spent half of the break unable to hear clearly -Tony had called it a curse and a blessing,- the moment James Rhodes won't ever forget is watching Tony three days after his parents funeral, half crazed with grief and completely silent.

Among wires, empty bottles and lines of cocaine; was a recently orphaned Tony Stark in ruins.

Rhodey was angry then, dragged a rumpled Tony into the shower and with vindictive satisfaction turned the knob and watched the teenager splutter when the cold water hit him face first. Until Tony sobbed, the quietest cry Rhodey had ever witnessed, like a wounded beast with no real strength to howl for help. He'd gotten in there with Tony and let the man break in his arms, shake and crumble away from prying eyes and media vultures.

It took him two more days to understand that Tony's muteness was not going to pass like some hang over, so Rhodey started learning ASL and in the meantime made Tony write him notes, which the genius hated. "Tough shit, Tones. You don't get to shut me out, asshole. I'm with you, stop waiting for that to change."

Tony had signed to him something that he couldn’t understand then, but he memorized the hand movements to the best of his abilities and then mimed them to an actually deaf person, the translation fucked him up a bit: 'Everyone leaves me.'

-

He thinks that maybe that's why Tony never gave Dum-E commands for speech, not that the 'bot really needed them; Dum-E final lines of code had been written when his creator had been in a really bad place. Much like now.

After the flash of shock, Rhodey deliberately kept eating his soup, some comments here and there besides pertinent questions but nothing big. Tony shrugged, nodded, or shook his head not once stopping to sign again. So this was his life now, even without the injuries he was still recuperating from, Rhodey knew, he wasn't going anywhere, anytime soon. Now, he was in the opulent room of his best friend, looking for blankets and pillows while Tony took a refreshing and  _ timed  _ shower.

At times people forget that he is also an engineer, different type? Well, yes, but they all must start somewhere. He gathers his materials; gauging their worth for this mission. See, Rhodey has known the human mess that is Tony Stark, first hand and many, many years ago, he also had to learn how to navigate Tony's minefields of stunted emotions and masks and issues.

In short, Rhodey could write a short manual on the workings of the man in the shower. Shaking his head with some kind of resignation, he moved to his Ground Zero for construction purposes.  And why the hell was Tony keeping air mattresses in the hall closet? Uh, they'll do nicely. Rhodey couldn’t actually hear the shower being shut off but he was putting his trust in Tony…and yeah FRIDAY too if tattling was needed. Crafting took a while but the end result was worth it, Rhodes was sure of it.

Tony comes out of his room, dressed in the softest t-shirt he owns -some faded rag from his MIT days- and a pair of loose sweats, feet bare and dragging. His battered heart pings when he sees what Rhodey had done with his living room. Perhaps, if he could, Tony would comment about the improved skills of blanket fort making, instead he waits to be acknowledged.

"What are you doing there like a creep? C'mon!"

He doesn't have the strength for a smile, but still lift up his hands and says, "Kids are turning green with envy."

"I bet, now get your genius ass over here and let's watch some of those movies on your queue." Rhodey's voice speaks of command but his touch is guiding, Tony follows.

Time blurs from one film to the other, and they lie on a nest of silk sheets and fluffy quilts, in a cocoon of comfort and Rhodey is a reassuring anchor while he is still lost in the depths of a roaring ocean. There's a spark in his chest and Tony sighs; after days of numbness, his heart restarts.

Cinching his hands on Rhodey's clothes, Tony pulls the man impossibly closer. The downside of leaving the numb mind space is how visceral everything suddenly feels. He pulls again, wanting to crawl inside Rhodey to make sure his friend is really with him and not some vivid hallucination, like when his parents died -were killed- and he could hear Maria playing for him. He  _ needed _ …

"Hey, hey Tony!" Instead of pushing, Rhodey held on too, his voice full of concern. "I'm here man, I'm here with you." An exhale that hurt too much, Tony tried to nod, acknowledge what he was hearing but his frantic brain wouldn't shut up, he couldn't process. Another breath, shuddery at best. "I'm here."

The image of a falling Rhodey flashes behind his eyelids, fresher than month-old wounds and the first sob breaks through his larynx like a punch. There is no way to keep it down or quiet, he tries to breathe and the fear-pain-hurt cycles in his head like a crown of poisonous thorns. He holds onto Rhodey and cries.

It's a terrible privilege, Rhodey thinks as Tony finally, _ finally _ breaks. He holds on and welcomes the tears, the shakes and the hitching breaths; he takes all the pain from Tony in the only way he can.

"I'm here, Tones." It's a reassurance for them both, and Tony just cries harder. He can't bring himself to say it's ok, because it isn't and he refuses false platitudes. Something in Tony's world would never be ok again and while can't fix it, Rhodey can promise to be present.

Eventually, Tony's sobs came in bouts, as if he was trying to pull himself together for Rhodey's sake. He can't help but hate Howard Stark’s brand of parenting for that, for instituting "Stark men are made of iron" so deep in Tony's psyche that the man couldn't do but repress everything. As if being human was nothing but a weakness.

Rhodes at least had the foresight of stacking some snacking provisions and rooted around for a water bottle. "Want some water?"

Tony nodded against his collarbone and they pulled apart just so, Rhodey offering the bottle and Tony taking it: his eyes were swollen and bloodshot, his nose was red and a bit inflamed but at least he looked better than the specter that'd been wearing his face. Tony downed almost half the bottle before he met Rhodey's eyes, it all seem to happen in slow motion; his eyes pooled with tears and his blank, placid expression was overcome with despair. Rhodey had a secondo to react, grabbing the bottle before it spilled over the nest of blankets and pillows, and reaching for Tony as he choked on a sob and crumbled on him.

_ "I don't have iron on my bones, just booze on my veins."  _  Rhodey recalls a young Tony confessing to him, many years ago; when the world still hasn't beaten him beyond the limits and then some. It pains him to think that now not even that courses through Tony, just soul crushing pain putting a strain on his weaken lungs.

E.D…

Rhodey stops, and feels the frantic movements of a hand against his heart. The third time around he's able to make out that Tony is spelling the same thing over and over again. The fingers bending and twisting as if he needs Rhodey to feel the honesty of the statement. 

 

F-A-I-L-E-D-L-O-S-T-S-C-A-R-E-D-S-O-R-R-Y.

_ Failed _ . Lost. Scared. Sorry.

Failed.  _ Lost _ . Scared. Sorry.

Failed. Lost.  _ Scared _ . Sorry.

Failed. Lost. Sacred.  _ Sorry _ .

 

_ “Everyone leaves me.”  _ Rhodey remembers and he burns because he almost did. And as always Tony burdens the guilt of it as if had any power over the universe; the well meaning prick. “Not your fault, Tones. What happened is not on you and I’m here.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	4. Heralded

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pepper Potts is not feeling the California Love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since I was on a roll, I give you Pepper Potts!

Virginia "Pepper" Potts was a patient woman, after all how else would one survive the whirlwind that was Tony Stark? But she was ready to use Tony's inventions to hunt him down. She'd decided that distance would be good for them and Tony had agreed; she regrets very few things in this life and this was on its way to top that list.

Stark Industries' PR team marched like diligent little soldiers to contain the collateral damage left in the of the fiasco that shook the world. They'd followed every single plan Tony had left beforehand and Pepper had overseen its execution.

Now, after the storm had been spun and weathered, she expected Tony to saunter in with two dozen new ways to make investors dizzy and the consumers giddy with excitement, while pretending he was fine and unaffected. Only, it didn't happen; no phone calls at 3:30 AM with a manic Tony talking mile a minute about how "this update with make them piss their designer" or "Why is there no coffee left, I was on a roll" or "Dum-E is conspiring to drive me batty, I swear" to make Pepper sigh with fond exasperation, no shoe delivery with over the top flower arrangements, nothing.

That more than anything worried here, not even at their worst had Tony being absent and she could feel the void eating away at her sanity and poise.

It was so a sunny morning in Malibu and Pepper couldn't help her scowl at the world unchanged by her turmoil, at the day unaware, at the uncertainty of it all.

Her private line ringing made Pepper snap back into the present; just a handful of people were privy to this number and half of them wouldn't call it. "Hello?"

"Morning, Pepper." Immediately she felt pulled in different directions; relief and dread, both because it was Rhodey's voice in her ear.

"Rhodey!" Pepper exhales and folds onto the sofa, her bones a bit liquefied by the emotional exertion. "Did you...how is...Oh God, Rhodey! Is he ok?"

She listens as Rhodey takes a breath, and dread wins out, when his voice cracks. "He is alive but goddamn it, Pepper!"

Colonel James Rupert Rhodes is one of the strongest people she knows, amazing at dealing with difficult situations and not easily rattled. To hear him near tears, is a feat of giants and Pepper's blood boils.

"I'm on my way." She decrees, and her resolution rings true. She would cancel and reschedule meetings en route, she'll bend and turn the world over not only because she can but because she'll will it so. There's a rueful half smile that blinks into existence and disappears just as fast. ' _Because I can and with the help of physics I'll will it so, Ms. Potts._ '

What an arrogant thought, she remembers thinking before Tony proved time and again that he could back it up with tangible evidence. Rhodey doesn't dispute or argues against her statement, he just breathes and chokes, "Thank you."

Before the line goes dead she hears him sob, a minute thing but sorrowful and heavy.

Pepper is not a violent person, she abhors it. That's not to absolve her as a pacifist; she is now the CEO of a company that was founded and built around it, she had witness too close how the fire spirals out of control and burns everything around. So, Pepper is not a naturally violent person and thus refused to join Tony's crusade for justice and some semblance of peace through fighting; ultimately accepting this was Tony's new life and retirement was a removable Band-Aid which wouldn't last much. As she descends the stairs of the mansion, Pepper reminds herself that she isn't a violent person, she abhors it.

It does nothing to hold at bay the storm brewing against her breastbone, to quell the fire licking at the tip of her extremities; Rhodey's sob and Tony's silence squash all thoughts of peace and diplomacy. Pepper unlocks the display and breathes.

After Killian and her nightmares of falling, after she spent weeks seeing him die rightfully by her hand. After Tony worked restlessly to make sure the serum didn't burn through her, after apologizing in all the ways he knew how. Tony did what he knew best; create. He built with Pepper in mind, with her philosophy to guide him through and while she refused and swore up and down he didn't need to do that and she'd never use it, Pepper let him do, for his sake.

He'd been thorough instructor, making sure everything became useless information to her muscle memory. As she comes face to face with it, she wonders if he had some precognition that allowed him to know better. Pepper chuckles a bit as she is redressed in alloy.

' _Fit for a Queen_ ' she could hear Tony say as the interface came alight around her. "Greetings Ms. Potts." Pepper startled, that was…

"JARVIS?" Her eyes pooled with tears, God she missed him so much. "JARVIS?"

"Yes and no." His voice surrounds her, as he continues. "Ms. Potts, it's been an absolute pleasure working with you. If I could wish for something, which I cannot, is to express my gratitude and appreciation; now my time has come to pass and I allowed myself to fit you with an interface of Sir's making. I hope T.A.D.A.S.H.I. is to your liking. Fare thee well, Ms. Potts."

Pepper shakes with grief, because she'd never expected to care for something man made as she did for the AI. To hear JARVIS' last message for her gives her closure but it hurts all the same. The colors of her screens change as TADASHI integrates with the suit.

"Hello. I'm TADASHI, your personal RESCUE AI." Pepper smiles through her tears, his voice is sweet but nothing like JARVIS'. "Scanning Complete. RESCUE authorized pilot authentication complete: Virginia "Pepper" Potts. All systems are a go, ready when you are."

"We're going home, kid. Stark Tower: 200 Park Ave. and East 45th St. New York City, New York."

"Setting course for Home." The HUD showed the distance to be traveled and the estimated time of arrival.

"TADASHI?"

"Yes, ma'm?" As the garage opened for her, Pepper had gone for hours on flight simulations to pilot an Iron Suit and Tony's been right; the body remembers. If so, there was no need for training wheels when she could soar.

"Let's cut those five hours in half and get me Happy on the line, please."

"As you wish."

-

Tony disappeared behind the elevator doors with a bucket full of compost. "For Bruce's plants" he'd scribbled on the countertop with a dry-erase marker when Rhodey asked.

Rhodes had caught a few hours of restless sleep after and had escaped to the bathroom after making sure Tony was completely asleep. He'd called Pepper to…he honestly doesn’t know but for years now, it had been each other they turn to when it came to Tony. Tightly knit family of circumstance and all. So he permitted himself to cry for around 5 minutes before he set off to prepare a room for Pepper and then whip something up for breakfast.

Among the disaster, he could admit it felt good to play house for a bit; cooking, cleaning, making sure his best friend didn't waste away. Lord above! Tony wouldn't even look at coffee and one thing that could be universally acknowledged was that Tony Stark loved Science and Coffee.

He focused on wiping the counters clean and the music FRIDAY had chosen to make it "lively" she'd said, so the sound of RT powered thrusters caught him a bit unaware.

Tony stopped just outside of the elevator and looking in askance at Rhodey, who still had a rag in his hands. So, if Tony hadn't taken the suit for a spin and Rhodey sure as hell hadn't touched his then…

They looked toward the landing pad and Tony's eyes widened but he remained still, so not a threat but a surprise. The armor was slimmer than both War Machine and Iron Man, crimson and silver where they were grey and silver and red and gold; Rhodey watched enraptured as it was peeled away and its pilot revealed.

Fiery locks came unbidden as the helmet came off and Pepper marched to the doorway.

"You made Pepper a suit?!" Rhodey hissed as Tony's hands came up, empty compost bucket and all.

"PEPPER!" The "P" stiff and brought to his cheeks to sprinkle downwards like a smattering of freckles. Rhodey might not be an expert in ASL but he knows when he's been yelled at.

"You made Pepper a suit!" He retorts but doesn't do much else as the redhead finally enters the penthouse.

"Tony!" She breathes and is like his strings are cut, because Tony goes to his knees; neither Rhodey or Pepper are fast enough to catch him but it doesn't matter because Pepper becomes his pillar and holds on fast. "My God, Tony."

Tony hides his face in the curve of her neck and breathes her in, she strokes his hair soothingly and then her eyes go up, where Rhodey stands watching over.

They burn with the fire of a thousand suns. Pepper Potts is not a violent woman, she abhors it but there are limits one should never push.

She's come home and she will burn the world around those who hurt what's hers. Rhodey nods in silent agreement.

  



	5. Siberia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Tony sleeps, Rhodey and Pepper initiate the replay protocol.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeeeeey! I know I haven't updated this story in a long long time. I was stuck for the longest time (still am) and I took the chance when a flash of inspiration hit me. Here it is and I hope that you enjoy.

Everything hurts, more so now that the fog had cleared. He was still tired but now it all hurt, his head, his body, the tattered remains of his shriveled soul.  
  
He'd let go of Pepper and withstood the gasps of horror and realization as she roamed her eyes over him. Tony witnessed as her cheeks flamed with anger and pain on his behalf, thinking that it was a nice sentiment but all wasted.  
  
She'd pushed him towards the kitchen with a soothing touch; grounding him with information as she and Rhodey danced around the space in an effort to care for him. He loved them so, his ribcage protests with the intensity of it.  
  
Tony chews mechanically, he's not hungry but Rhodey cooked so he makes an effort. It hurts to swallow as if his insides are too tender for anything heartier than soup. Pepper and Rhodey are not subtle, throwing looks between him and each other; they're plotting but he can't summon the energy to care.  
  
"Tones?" He acknowledges Rhodey by lifting his eyes from the plate. "Why don't you go and nap for a little bit, you look ready to fall over."  
  
"How much did you guys sleep?" Pepper wonders, no doubt taking inventory of the dark circles and half-lidded eyes.  
  
"Not a whole lot," Rhodey says because he's the only one who knows how far into the void Tony really is. "Come on, man. For me?"  
  
He would have chuckled if he could, Rhodey knew Tony would buy the moon if they asked and was shamelessly taking advantage of that. His head pounded with images of what could have happened, of how close he'd been to losing this. His stomach turns, so Tony just nods and goes back to the nest in the living-room.  
  
He felt weighted down, so fucking heavy and paradoxically empty. Sleep took him between one blink and the next, while Pepper and Rhodey talked in the kitchen; safe.  
  
-  
Pepper watches Tony shuffle and lay down. There is so much impotence in her heart and guilt. She is well aware that neither Rhodey or herself are Tony's keepers but it doesn't make her feel any less guilty. To see him so dulled down, a man so bright.  
  
Sometimes being in Tony's presence felt like standing too close to a star, burning so bright it was blinding and consuming.  
  
Now, he was snuffed out and drowning and while neither Rhodey nor herself were his keepers, they will raze the world to make sure he'd shine again.  
  
Many years back, an eternity ago Tony set a protocol that could be enacted in case a mission went wrong and Tony was unable to report, meaning either he went missing or his condition was too grave to return home on his own.  
  
At the moment, they were essentially flying blind as to what transpired: Rhodey had been under medical observation and Pepper was handling SI back in California.  
  
Now it was only the fear of what could have happened making them hesitate, needing each other to stand upright. Pepper squared her shoulders and offered her hand to Rhodey, who readily grabbed it.  
  
"FRIDAY, Morissette Protocol. Sub-route 3XC4118UR, Designation HoneySour." Rhodey's voice remained steady as he recited the access.  
  
"Designation GingerPeppermint. I hate that code." Pepper whispered, "Did you know he tried to make it strawberry themed. As if I needed more reasons to avoid that fruit."  
  
Rhodey huffed with amusement despite the seriousness of the situation at hand, it was something so Tony to make something morbid into a joke. "Pepper, this is named after a popular 90's song, also this is Tony we're talking about."  
  
The lightness they'd gathered in that moment between commands, evaporated as the suit's projection began. _"Captain? You seem a little defensive."_  
  
_"It's been a long day."_  
  
They watch as Tony quips, as Steve relaxes, as Barnes body opens to ally himself with Tony too, as everything crumbles. They watch as Tony's body goes haywire, his heart rate and blood pressure elevated to dangerous levels, as Steve's face transforms and Tony loses the warmth in his voice.  
  
_"This isn't gonna change what happened."_  
 _"I don't care. He killed my mom."_  
  
They have to watch as their friend goes to war by himself,  
  
_"Do you even remember them?"_  
 _"I remember all of them."_  
  
They have to watch.  
  
_"He is my friend."_  
 _"So was I."_  
  
They can't see through the eyes of the suit anymore, but they hear the crunch of metal, the break of the reactor. And Tony…  
  
They can pinpoint the second Tony breaks, as the shield falls and echoes, as feet fall and shuffle.  
  
They sit in silence, in rictus. They sit there until the transmission ends, until the suit's backups die, and after. They sit in Tony's kitchen, while a raging storm brews and overflows, until they drown and after.  
  
They stay even when their bodies pulse and vibrate with the overwhelming maelstrom breaking through their ribcages, out their sternums and a fire that threatens to suffocate squeeze their lungs.  
  
"His heart." Pepper whispers, because anything louder would be too much in the space where they reside, "they… _he_ drew the shield through his heart."  
  
Virginia Potts abhors violence, the granite of the island countertop would say otherwise as it's broken into hot dust under the strength of her fist. Pepper burns, much like she did the night she obliterated Aldrich Killian out of existence. Funny, how in that moment just like now, it was them three then too.  
  
Rhodey couldn't touch her, he wouldn't know how anyway. Rhodey was back in that workshop, dragging Tony into the shower, soaked to the bone as he held his best friend while he howled. They had left him there to die in the cold. _He_ … "Pepper. Pepper, _he_ left Tony…The suit was **dead** _and he left him behind!_ "  
  
He felt there was no air in his lungs, they were too big for him. Rhodey looked at Pepper, trying to find something to hold onto. Pepper was burning, her eyes lit with the fire that ran through her veins thanks to EXTREMIS. They were then at two opposites of the same place.  
  
"Jim…Rhodey," she panted, no doubt trying to reign the inferno consuming her. Rhodey wasn't scared, there was no real danger of Pepper going nuclear on herself anymore, all the same, he couldn't reach her.  
  
Not even if he wanted to. Rhodey was there with her and back in that shower while Tony held on to the fragments of himself. In his garage in Malibu, deadly pale and weak, marching to war.  
  
"I need to… _please_ , Jim." Pepper begs him with her eyes aflame and her glowing hands, and the granite made dust. She does it in a way he understand all too well. He nods and her furious tears evaporate before they reach her chin.  
  
Rhodey watches her go, breathes in slow increments. Bites his lip until he can taste his own blood, copper taste and iron on the tip of his tongue. Rhodey breathes and tries to bring himself from the memories because the one factor in the equation reads thus; while Tony has waged wars with his own demons for decades now, he has never been completely alone.  
  
When he gathers himself, Rhodey shuffles to where Tony is, encased in soft blankets, sleeping like only the exhausted know how, deep and restless. He rakes his eyes over his friend, _his brother_ , and watches the rise and fall of his mangled chest and the fading bruises and remembers that Tony's voice is gone, and even when his eyes are open, he is lost in the vastness of his grief.  
  
He doesn’t make a sound as he moves onto the sofa and hugs a pillow to his chest with the same vehemence he wants to do Tony, who lays there quiet, he buries his face in the soft cushion and bites it until his jaw aches, then and only then does he allow himself to cry.

 

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my first language, so any mistakes you see, feel free to point them out.  
> Also I have a Tumblr ([Here](http://androidtwin.tumblr.com/))


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